Myths Of Abuse

Submitted by admin on Fri, 08/20/2010 - 18:29

Myth: Women remain in abusive relationships because they want to stay; they deserve the treatment they receive.

Fact: There are many reasons why a woman who faces violence at the hands of her partner may feel she cannot leave:

Leaving a violent relationship is the most dangerous time for a woman: she may fear for her safety and her children’s safety if she leaves.
Some victims never tell anyone about the abuse: they may feel ashamed or embarrassed, or fear being stigmatized by others.
He may have promised to change, or kill himself if she leaves.
She may live in an isolated area, or be socially-isolated, and lack access to information, resources and support.
She may face communication, language or cultural barriers.
She may be economically dependent on her partner and fear poverty for herself and her children.
Emotional abuse may have worn down her self-confidence.
She may think the abuse is her fault, because her partner tells her it is. To accept that “no matter what she does, she can’t win” feels like she has no control over her life. It may be easier to think it is somehow her fault. If she changes, maybe he will too.
She may have strong beliefs about keeping family together, or may experience similar pressure from relatives.
She may be reluctant to report the abuse to the police, either because she fears retaliation, does not believe that involving the criminal justice system can help, or fears losing her children.

Regardless of her perceived reasons for remaining in an abusive relationship no one deserves to be the victim of violence. It is unacceptable and against the law.

Myth: Alcohol causes men to assault their partners.

Fact: The link between alcohol and violence is oversimplified and creates false stereotypes. While there is a correlation between alcohol and violence, correlation does not equal causation. Alcohol or illegal drugs are often factors in domestic violence incidents and their use can make it easier for a person to be abusive. The majority of alcoholics and other men who abuse alcohol don’t act violently towards their partners and most instances of violence occur in the absence of any alcohol. Perpetrators may blame their violent behaviour on alcohol, thus avoiding responsibility for their actions. Alcohol does not, and cannot make one person abuse another. The true cause of domestic assault, however, is the desire to have control over another person.

Myth: Men are just as likely to be the victims of intimate partner violence as women.

Fact: More than 92 percent of charges involving domestic assault in Ontario are laid against men. In the majority of cases involving women as perpetrators, charges are due to acts of self defense or are counter-charges laid by abusive partners. Women suffer more frequent and extreme incidents of violence than men and are more likely to sustain serious or life-threatening injuries.

Myth: Violence against women is an issue that only concerns women.

Fact: Violence against women is an issue for everyone. It is a human rights violation.

“Violence against women is perhaps the most shameful human rights violation. And it is perhaps the most pervasive. It knows no boundaries of geography, culture or wealth. As long as it continues we cannot claim to be making real progress towards equality, development and peace.” - Kofi Annan, Secretary General of the United Nations.

Violence against women is also of relevancy to men. It is men’s wives, mothers, sisters, daughters and friends whose lives are limited by violence and abuse. It is a men’s issue because as community leaders and decision-makers, men can play a key role in helping stop violence against women. It’s a men’s issue because men can speak out and step in when male friends and relatives insult or attack women. And it’s a men’s issue because a minority of men treat women and girls with contempt and violence, and it’s up to all to help create a culture in which this is unacceptable.

Further, from an economic standpoint, studies indicate that the cost of violence against women to victims and society estimate that costs to health, criminal justice, social service and lost productivity range in the billions of dollars.

Myth: Violence against women isn't a wide spread problem.

Fact: Estimating the prevalence of violence against women in the population who are affected by violence is challenging due to the very private nature of those experiences.

The statistics that have been collected show:

Half of Canadian women (51%) have experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual violence since the age of 16.
Every minute of every day, a Canadian woman or child is being sexually assaulted.
One to two women are murdered by a current or former partner each week in Canada.
Spousal violence makes up the single largest category of convictions involving violent offences in non-specialized adult courts in Canada over the five-year period 1997/98 to 2001/02. Over 90% of offenders were male.
Thirty-six percent of female victims of spousal violence and less than 10% of victims of sexual assault reported these crimes to the police in 2004.

Myth: Violence only occurs to certain women, such as those living in poverty or visible minorities.

Fact: Violence against women knows no cultural, racial, or class boundaries. All types of women experience violence across this country. However, women with limited financial resources are often unable to afford the resources women with financial resources can, and are reliant upon community agencies, and thus are more visible.

Myth: Fights between intimate partners are a natural part of a relationship.

Fact: Disagreements occur in all relationships, but there is a vast difference between a disagreement between partners and violent behavior. Individuals in healthy relationships are able to navigate through disagreements with mutual respect; those in unhealthy relationships will attempt to degrade the other partner, and undermine her self esteem and self worth. Violence in relationships is about power and control.

This minimizing and normalizing of violence and attributing it to the dynamic of relationships is harmful. Again, it takes the responsibility away from the violent partner, and does not hold perpetrators accountable.

Myth: Violence only occurs in heterosexual relationships.

Fact: While it isn't clear just how common it is, violence does occur in same-sex relationships. The abuse is similar to that in heterosexual couples, but it is far more invisible in our society. Many programs for battered women are only just beginning to address this issue, or are insensitive to the needs of battered LGBT individuals, because of ignorance and/or homophobia. However, more groups which support battering survivors are recognizing this issue and working to become as welcoming to LGBT survivors as heterosexual survivors.

Myth: When a woman leaves a violent relationship she is finally safe.

Fact: The most dangerous time is after separation. 75% of all homicides occur after separation. Also, it is a time when the partner is losing control and this may cause an escalation of abuse in an attempt to regain control. If there are children involved, there may be contact with the abusive partner when he comes to visit the children. This opens the door for potential conflict and violence.

Myth: Men of certain ethnicities and socioeconomic backgrounds are more likely to be violent towards women.

Fact: Men who commit sexual assault come from every economic, ethnic, racial, age and social group. The belief that women are more often sexually assaulted by men who are visible minorities or working class men is a stereotype rooted in racism and classism. Men who commit sexual assault can be the doctors, teachers, employers, co-workers, lawyers, husbands, or relatives of the women they assault.

A recent survey on date rape provides a strong indication of the range of potential male offenders. In this survey, 60% of Canadian college-aged males indicated that they would commit sexual assault if they were certain they would not get caught.

Myth: Violence between a husband and a wife is a private matter; it is no one’s business.

Fact: Violence is against the law, regardless if it occurs between strangers, or between spouses. Domestic violence is not a “private family matter”, and treating it as such encourages women to struggle in silence.

Myth: A woman should be aware that if she wears revealing clothing or acts in a provocative way she should be aware of the risk of sexual assault she is setting herself up for.

Fact: Blaming the victim is something that abusers will often to do make excuses for their behavior. It is incredibly misogynistic to blame women for male violence against women. Regardless of a woman’s appearance, or occupation, violence against her is a crime. A woman’s clothing or behavior is not an invitation to be raped; no woman wants or deserves to be raped. This victim blaming is one of the most prominent reasons sexual assaults are so rarely reported, and even less result in a conviction. Rape is an act of violence, not one of sexual desire.

Unfortunately research shows that a significant portion of society believes that women are at least partially to blame for rape – because of how they are dressed, how much they have had to drink, the number of sexual partners they have had in the past. Furthermore, most rapists choose their targets without regard to physical appearance or lifestyle. Victims of sexual assault range from infants to the elderly; anyone, regardless of age, physical appearance, marital status, ethnic or socio-economic background can be raped.

Women are not the causes of problems like rape and they should not be expected to become the solution. Far too often in discussions about rape the focus is on the woman’s behavior, making the perpetrator invisible. A woman has a choice in what clothing to wear, just as a man has a choice whether to sexually assault a woman.

Myth: Rape almost always happens in a dangerous situation, like in a dark alleyway, at the hands of strangers.

Fact: Date rape and acquaintance rape are the most common instances of rape in society; eighty-five percent of rape survivors know their assailants, and thirty-five percent of sexual assaults occur within the family. Studies show that the majority of sexual assaults are committed in either the victim’s home or the attacker’s home. In addition, if we consider the number of unwanted sexual acts that are committed within established relationships, but not reported because of the relationship, the numbers just get even higher. While there is a danger of being sexually assaulted by a stranger that danger is much more remote than most people believe